You will never be the same
by HavokQueen
Summary: Post X-men Apocalypse one-shot: Scott Summers is the perfect X-man. A great leader, strategist, and a brave fighter devoted to the cause, the "boy-scout" of the team. Now the unthinkable had happened. He had killed for the first time and Charles Xavier is supposed to help him get past it, before that burden ruins him.


When you kill for the first time it changes you. You are never the same after that, even if you wish you were. Whatever the reason was, you have taken a person's life away from him.

Maybe that person was trying to kill you first, maybe it was self-defense, for revenge or just because a mutant had lost control over their abilities. It is still murder and Charles Xavier had encountered all types of it. His best friend was a murderer, some of his students with fragile and dangerous powers had killed, his sister had probably murdered people before, even some of the X-men had done it. They didn't kill, that was a rule, but sometimes there was no other way. Charles didn't want it to be like that, but it was. Now one of his students was sitting in front of him with a look of guilt on his face.

* * *

Death.

Scott Summers had experienced death at six. That's when the plain crash had happened. He had lost both of his parents that faithful day and had gotten separated from his older brother. Scott could still remember how desperate he had felt. Everything had happened so fast. One moment his mother was hugging him for a goodbye and the next, the plain had exploded leaving nothing, but flying parts of his previous life. Then he was adopted and had to start again without his parents or brother. From the crash to his adoption everything felt unreal, almost like a nightmare and Scott had just wanted to wake up and go to his brother to ask to sleep in his room. Scott had soon realised that he wouldn't wake , this was not a dream. He had grieved then. Of course he did, the shock had passed and all Scott was left of was emptiness and loneliness that no six year old was supposed to experience. It took him a lot of time to adapt to his new life but it happened. Later, he reunited with his brother and it all seemed better after such a long time.

Then the universe decided to take away Alex away from him too. He couldn't even process it knew it happened. They had to save the world, so Scott hadn't have time for proper grieving. This time it had been different. He had caused death, took away someone's life. What if that person had a family, children. Scott forced himself to stop thinking about that. He couldn't bear it. Looking up at the Professor, all he could see was his eyes full with sympathy. Then he spoke.

"I... I didn't want to" Scott began stumbling upon his words.

"I know" Charles said

"No, I need to explain" Cyclops demanded and took a deep breath. "Beast was knocked out and on gun point. My visor was knocked out of my face and the others were too far away. I... opened my eyes. I killed that guard, before I could even manage to close them.

"You had no other choice" The Proffesor said. He sounded sincere. For a moment Scott felt better, but just for a second.

"What if there was another way?" He asked, the words coming out more as a whisper.

"From what you explain I was understood that you saved Beast. Your other teammates were to far and occupied to help you and you were without your visor, so the only way for you to stop Hank from getting killed was to open your eyes. You did the right thing Scott."

The Professor wheeled himself from behind the desk and closer to the boy's chair. He put his hand on Scott's shoulder.

"You saved your teammate." Charles thought for a second and looked at the young mutant. "I had the same conversation with your brother a long time ago. The situation was almost the same. Alex told me that before he had done it, he had asked himself whose blood he wanted on his hands, his friend's or his enemy's." The Proffesor explained hoping that this would help.

"I can't stop thinking that I may have found another way" Scott said

"Or not, nobody will ever know. Sometimes we can't avoid killing." Charles

"So, Alex had killed too?" Scott asked uncertain.

"Yes, and he had felt remorse for what he had done. The first time when his powers manifested he had reduced a man to ashes. He had fought in Vietnam too." Charles explained. "What I am saying is that sometimes it is inevitable, we are not killing if it isn't a grave necessity and in your case it was. I am not going to lie to you Scott. You will never be the same after that, there will always be that one part of you that's gone. Your innocence about the world and I am sorry that you had to lose it at such a young age, but with time it will get better. I promise"

* * *

Charles Xavier was hard not to like or to believe. He had that thing about him that made you trust him. The Professor had always sounded sincere when he spoke and his words made Scott feel better. Yes, there was still that feeling in his stomach, that feeling that made him feel empty. His brother had went through it too. They were even more alike now. Deep down changed from the life they choose to live. It made him feel more connected to him somehow, even in this terrible circumstances.

The Professor's words and this new found connection to his brother helped him. They made at least a small part of that terrible feeling of emptiness disappear. It was a start and now all Scott could do is move on. Yes, he would still feel the remorse of his decision, but know at least he knew it was the right thing to do. To save his teammate, his innocence may be gone, because of that, but after all whose blood would he prefered on his hands. Hank's or that guard's. It was terrible thing to acknowledge, but he would do it again if he had to.

"Thank you Professor...for everything" Scott said

"Always" Charles gave him a sad smile.

Scott went out of the office and walked to the end of the hall, opening the big window. It was dark outside and the sky was clear filled with millions of stars. He looked up at the brightest one and smiled sadly.

"I will get over that eventually. Just like you had done. I just wanted to say thank you. I am not sure why... maybe because the story the Professor told me helped. To know that a long time ago you have made the same choice as me is... relieving as stupid as it sounds." A small laughter escaped his lips. Here he was talking to a star. For a reason Scott didn't feel as stupid as he expected to. It felt right, normal. "Thank you, Alex" He said and slowly closed the window.

* * *

A/N:

This was a one-shot of what I believe will be the reaction of Scott, when he kills for the first time. I used Charles as the one to help him and show them form some father-son connection like in the comics.


End file.
